Saturday, July 22, 2006
I'm mad as hell and I can't take it anymore !!
Well, another day, another bad beat, online, live poker, WSOP, it makes no difference. I'm just cursed and looks like there's not much I can do about it. I played just one round today (second day of the WSOP NLH $2K), the blinds were 800-1600 with 200 ante, since we were playing 10 handed, that means 4400 every round. Since I had around 30k, a comfortable stack but still kind of short to make moves, I needed more chips to attempt more steals, the opportunity came real fast; I was in the SB with about a 29k stack, old lady in MP raised to 5k, she had about the same stack as me and she had just lost about 10k in a pot versus the table chip leader, folded to me and I was very pleased to see KK, even I was like 1 for 3 with KK in this world series. Now, what's the move, I can just call, I can raise a little, I can make a good sized raise or I can go all in. The pot had already like 9400, already big, I didn't consider just calling an option because of the size of the pot already and I don't want the BB playing with the right odds with something like AT-AJ, so I decided to raise, now what's best; my first thought was to go all in for the 29k, this is overbet the pot, so she calls with 77-TT thinking I have AK, or she called with AJ-AQ thinking I have 88-TT. But then I thought a better option would be to raise and then bet the flop, since I think there was a good chance she folded in the flop, now, how much to raise, if I raised to something like 12k, then she had to call just 7k for a 21k pot, those are damn good odds, so I decided to raise more, but to leave her with something, I decided to raise to 17k, she needed to call 12k into the 26k pot and she would have about 12k left, of course I was not folding, it doesn't matter the flop, I raised to 17k, leaving me with about 12k, and after a while she decided to go all in with AT ???, of course I called, I had already 17k in the pot with 12k left, I was calling with anything in that spot. What was she thinking? Anyway I was glad to see her make that terrible mistake; I think she just lost it, you have to be able to think straight for so many hours in these tourneys and I guess she just couldn't take it anymore and she just went ahead and put her whole 30k with a very marginal hand and a terrible spot since with the action most probably her hand was going to be completely dominated with a big pair or with AK, I was really happy to be able to have a 65k stack that soon so I would be able to apply pressure to the table and make some of my plays, but again, this would not happen, I lost again with KK and the terrible play was rewarded once again. She had now a big stack (about twice the average) and I was left with a black 100 chip, the whole table was rooting for me in the next hand, I was all in for half the ante, but I lost it. Same scene, same pain, everybody at the table feeling bad for me, shaking my hand, telling me I was a great player and shit happens. I was out and went to receive $3731 for my efforts. I'm 1 for 4 with KK in this world series, it's about the same online, nothing changes, this year has been terrible, I'm just tired. Those of you who have been reading this blog for a while know that it has been filled with badbeats; I would like to write more meaningful entries, I have always interesting hands to share, but usually my poker spirit is just broken and I just don't have the desire to write. Most good players know you just need to take your beats like a man, and I just used to do that, it was easier when you had an average luck. These days, I think I have a wall over my shoulders. I'll try to finish this world series as planned, but after that I'll need to rethink if this is what I really want to do for the rest of my life. Thankfully I have been blessed and I have always excelled at everything I do, so it would not be a problem to focus my energy in some other avenue. But let's see. I know today I'm just mad, but the thing is, I have started to entertain the idea of quitting poker and that was before today, the events today just reinforce it. Don't get me wrong, I love poker, but probably I just don't have the emotional and mental state necessary to be a poker player and I don't mean to be a successful poker player, I know I am and I will be successful (as in winning money) if I keep playing, even with all the beats, but I mean the mental state to be happy while being a professional poker player; that is what it's really important, you need to be happy with what you do for a living, it does not matter if you're successful if you're not happy. Life is way too short to spend time being unhappy. Money is good but it's not that important in the grand scheme of things. The important thing it's to live everyday with passion, to love, to be really alive and these days, sometimes I feel like a zombie. Next time I win a tourney, I'll try to write about this topic again, probably my mental state will be different then, but that's the thing, your happiness should not depend of random events, and until I really learn that, I will suffer. Hopefully I learn, but if I don't, I'll move on, no big deal. Life is just awesome.