Win small, win small, win small, lose big, rinse, repeat

I have had pretty few losing sessions this year, but usually I lost a lot when I have them. I have had many winning sessions this year (almost all of them), but usually I win just a little. I played just a few sessions on April, winning all of them, but of course, I gave all of it back with my first losing session on May, losing big playing 30-60 razz this Friday night, Saturday morning.

I know better, I know it's pretty unprofessional of me playing this way; I should play the same amount of time despite my sessions results, and maybe just play a little longer if the table conditions are about right; but despite all my years playing poker I can't. It's a bad poker habit, despite all my mathematical background, I'm still pretty session results oriented; I have made pretty little progress on this issue, maybe now when I'm stuck, I play pretty long sessions, instead of the marathonic sessions I used to play years ago and big losses today don't bother me as much as they used to and that's probably why I'm able to stop now.

Still, one of the things I would like to solve, it's to play more when I'm winning, hell, I would like to be able to play more in general. My playing time is a big, big problem. I'm just winning enough money to get by, and while I have never had any pretensions about being rich and have lots of money, not winning more money now, it's going to be an issue on the long run. It's an issue now, since I don't have the bankroll to play on the WSOP for example, and I would like to be able to do it; but it's going to be a bigger issue in the future, since I'm not saving, and I'm not that young anymore.

El universo adentro

No escribi en Marzo y Abril y vuelvo ahora empezando Mayo, no han sido buenos tiempos, los problemas de depresion y ataques de ansiedad are back with a vengeance. Dificil hablar de un tema en el cual casi nadie te entiende, quizas ni uno mismo se entiende, muchas veces tu propio cerebro conspira contra ti, vives una existencia dividida e incomprensible, lo importante es que de una o de otra forma sigues adelante; regresas al mundo, al universo afuera, interactuas, vives, aunque nunca dejes de salir del todo de ese mundo tuyo que nadie conoce, el universo adentro ........